


If I Stand Here Silent...

by myxstorie



Category: Japanese Actor RPF, Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-23
Updated: 2009-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 00:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2003676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myxstorie/pseuds/myxstorie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For <span class="ljuser i-ljuser i-ljuser-type-P"></span><a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://pixisticks.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://pixisticks.livejournal.com/"></a><b>pixisticks</b>'s 20th birthday! I hope you have a great day, sweetie, and that the rest of the year shapes up to be the best it can ♥ This was meant to be happy and fun, but ended up slightly melancholy. I'm sorry ._. The title is from a quote that Amy gave me last night, which was just beautiful and might have brought a tear to my eye; <i>If I stand here silent, I can almost start to hear you fading in. Telling me to hold on.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Stand Here Silent...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [datura_damiana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/datura_damiana/gifts).



-

First, it's Jin.

Never one to do things by halves, he goes out with a bang, sudden and unexpected and causing as much of a stir as he can.

The moment he steps off of the plane onto American soil, he feels freer, alive, like he can - and will - take on the world.

But first things first; he's got to learn the language.

-

Next, it's Kusano.

Slipping off quietly, no-one but his friends and family know he's gone. The moment he'd left Johnny's, he realised there was more to life than performing, there's so much more to see and do that his peers would never get to experience, and it's that day when he decides to do it.

He's going to go out there into the wilderness, and live for all of them.

-

Finally, it's Yamapi's turn.

Not as fortunate as the others, Yamapi is accompanied on his trip by an entourage of staff and cameras, unable to escape for even a moment.

That doesn't matter though, because out of all of them, he's the most used to being watched, the one who barely even notices he's playing the idol any more.

It might sadden him a little, were he to stop and think about it, but right now he's too focused on doing his best and showing everyone back home just what New York has to offer.

-

Jin's first day of school is absolutely terrifying, but despite feeling fourteen again, he holds his head high and (for once) keeps his mouth shut. By the end of it, there are a whole host of foreign names in his new cellphone and he has invitations to three different clubs that weekend, along with more promises to help him with his English than he has fingers to count them on.

LA at night is bright and loud, full of people all hurrying to be somewhere else, and Jin immediately feels at home.

Dancing is easier than speaking, a language he's been learning since he could walk, and if he's not trying to be modest (he's not very good at that anyway), he thinks he speaks it better than his mother tongue. Hands on his shoulders and feet that move with his, hips that sway in time and eyes that shine in the dim, erratic lighting, now that's something anyone, anywhere in the world can understand.

-

Jin's not the only one to struggle with the language.

For Kusano, talking comes easier the more alcohol he drinks, the language barriers falling as they converse in grunts and slurs and one-handed motions. He doesn't think his teacher would approve of 'd'you wanna grab a smoke?' and 'can I get another beer?' being his two most fluent-sounding phrases, but he came here to have _fun_ , not shut himself up in his room with his books - which have yet to be taken out of the bag - all night.

-

Yamapi doesn't drink, or dance. He doesn't even learn much, except that New York is one of the most stunning places he's ever seen. He's used to tower blocks and skyscrapers and views that stretch on and on and on, but everything seems _different_ somehow, more impressive and on a far grander scale than what he's grown up around.

He's also pleased that he doesn't struggle to communicate as much as he'd thought, although that could be due to the translator they'd assigned him instead of the quick English lesson he'd gotten Jin to give him before he left.

Besides, he's not sure anyone on the staff, American or Japanese, would appreciate being asked if they knew where the best place to get wasted was.

-

By day, Jin's a good student. He goes to all his classes (no matter how head-splitting his hangover is) and he listens and takes in as much as he can without his brain exploding. By night, he _lives_. He goes to all the restaurants, the bars, the clubs, anywhere and everywhere. He eats the food and drinks whatever his friends buy him, then dances with whichever pretty girls catch his eye. If things go well, he takes them home, and he's not sure what's more exhilerating; that there's someone sharing his bed, or that he's actually free to take someone _home_ in the first place.

It's not enough, though. He fills his days and nights to bursting, crams as much as he can into every hour, but there's still something that's not quite right, still something he's _missing_.

-

It doesn't take Kusano long to feel homesick. He's settled into his apartment, small but comfortable, and no more cramped than what he'd been used to in Tokyo, and he has plenty of friends to keep him company. But it's not Japan. He misses the familiar view from his window and he misses rolling by the store and grabbing a bento and he misses the emoji-filled mails from his school friends. He misses his grandmother and her cooking, his mother and the smell of her washing, his dog and her tinny, yapping bark.

But he made a promise to himself, and he's not going to go back on it, not when everyone he holds dear is stuck back in Japan and the furthest they'll ever venture is Hawaii. Not when he's doing it all for them.

It would be nice, though, to not feel so alone.

-

Yamapi isn't away for long enough to try out the clubs or to get lonely.

He stands at the edge of the pier and looks out over the water, a never ending expanse of shimmering black that sparkles with tiny pinpricks of light. If he concentrates, listening hard enough, he can hear the whisper of voices, faint and overshadowed by the gently rippling waves beneath him, but there all the same.

He closes his eyes and the breeze brings them closer, the voices of everyone he's left back home willing him to do the best he can no matter where in the world he is.

-

While Yamapi can hear without really listening, it doesn't come as easily to Jin. Try as he might, there's still a part of him that he can't fill with friends and girls and parties, nor with studies and lectures and sentence structure. He's not very good at sentence structure, anyway.

It's the middle of the night when it all feels better, when he's curled up under the covers in the dark, and his best friend's voice is crackling in his ear. Even though the line is bad and the talk is rushed, catching Yamapi during the few moments he gets to wolf down a ball of rice, suddenly, Jin doesn't feel it anymore. Doesn't feel the gaping loss, doesn't have to try and drown it out with other things, not when Yamapi's here - even if it is only his voice.

-

Kusano will never admit to just how much he misses home, not to anyone.

But when he rushes home every day, his heart soars when he sees a new mail in his inbox, and he suspects his family of knowing him a little too well.

It might only be his grandmother, giving him the recipe for curry-rice (which he'll never make), or his mother reminding him to wash behind his ears (which he'll never do), but it makes him glad he lives alone because the smile on his face is always embarrassingly wide and bright enough to drown out the sun.

-

Over time, the three of them see their own little snippets of things that soon become memories, stories, experiences that they wouldn't trade for the world.

But now, now they're all back home. Now they're drinking together, laughing and teasing and reminding each other of _that time when_.

They might be home now, but their memories will stay with them forever.


End file.
